| Domestic Violence |
| Martin | [url]http://www.thisislancashire.co.uk/lancashire/preston/news/PRESTNEWS6.html[/url]
quote:
Hitting back at abusive partners
by Ben Hewes
A WOMAN who was regularly beaten by her abusive husband is helping to launch a police initiative clamping down on domestic violence.
Susan Wilkinson met her partner in the late eighties and for a decade was subjected to horrifying acts of violence.
Even now the slightest thing can trigger memories of the past, leaving Susan screaming for help.
But now the physical scars have healed, and her life moved on, the Preston mum is using her experience to help other women.
quote:
Shocking figures revealed this week have shown that about 40 per cent of all murders or manslaughters can be attributed to domestic violence and, so far this year, the figure already stands at nine deaths.
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| Sandieh | I find it so strange how these men will hit out at their wives at the slightest provocation, but would never dream of hitting out at their boss or even a male friend. and a large percentage of battered wives are pregnant.
Extent of domestic violence in Australia
The Australian Bureau of Statistics (1996) surveyed Australian women about their experience of actual or threatened physical or sexual violence and found that in relation to violence by a male partner (1):
23% of women who had ever been married or in a defacto relationship had experienced violence from their partner at some time during the relationship;
8% of women who were married or in a defacto relationship, experienced violence at some time during their current relationship;
42% of women who were pregnant in a past violent relationship, experienced violence during pregnancy; and
61% of women who experienced violence by a current partner reported that they had children in their care at some time during the relationship.
NOTE: It is widely believed that most statistics on the incidence of domestic violence are underestimates. Victims often feel unable to speak out about domestic violence due to feelings of shame, fear of retribution from the perpetrator and/or negative community attitudes towards victims.
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| noel | Let's not forget the men. 10% of reported domestic violence is perpretrated on men by the women. I can't imagine any man being wimp enough to report he has been abused by his wife.
Nevertheless 90% of all cases are on women. My own sister was beaten by a drunkard husband unbeknown to me, until one day her son grew up big enough to thrash his step dad silly during one assault, and kicked him out of the house. The step dad wasn't man enough to tackle a 16 years old lad. He could only manage to beat a 35 years old small woman. He's dead now, committed suicide, good riddance. |
| Sandieh | I think anyone who commits these acts of violence has a very low self esteem, and they are cowardly, thus the need to control people who are weaker than themselves with violence. |
| Spitfire | What I cannot understand is why women put up with it. |
| noel | Me neither Jim but listening to some of them on the telly " he does it because he loves me" " I've got security with him" "I wanted to keep the family together."
What about the case of the husband who murdered his 4 sons in a car with a petrol mower engine running and he phoned their mum so she could hear them screaming and say goodbye to them. Doesn't it make your blood boil. What must that woman have to contend with now for the rest of her life. |
| LDunlop76 | quote:
Originally posted by Spitfire
What I cannot understand is why women put up with it.
Because these men are often very skilled in mental bullying as well as physical. If someone is told day on day on day that they're stupid, worthless, no one else would ever want them, and that person had low self-esteem to begin with, then eventually they come to believe it. On top of that, women, esp women with young children, are often very much bound into the relationship financially and struggle to break free because they can't see how they could afford to move out. Plus love plays daft tricks with your brain and, in spite of everything, these women do still love their men.
As for Sandieh's point about these men not hitting their boss etc. - I agree that for the most part that's true, but the ex-husband of my colleague with the black eye was fired about four years ago because he had a disagreement with a colleague in a meeting and so landed a right hook on him in the car park later! [:0] And we're talking a professional man in a senior position here!
Although men bullied by their wives are a small proportion of domestic violence cases, I do feel for them. As Noel says, how could they pluck up the courage to say a woman was beating them? It speaks volumes for their self-control if they don't lash out in return. |
| skitzy | Its bad over here in Australia as well Martin, My daughter has an aboriginal friend from school who is only 18 & has lost 4 pregnancies due to beatings from her partner, Her family have tried to talk to her, but she continues to remain by his side.
Eileen |
| rocketmanjohn | Skitzy,
Far be it for me to condone domestic violence, but just what is an 18 year old doing having had 4 pregnancies?
John |
| skitzy | Unfortunately John, after she left school & moved to Maryborough quite a distance from her family, she got involved with a bad crowd & started drinking & taking drugs & met her partner. I last saw her family about 12 months ago and they were really concerned.
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| LDunlop76 | The true extent of domestic violence is kept secret. The women involved are too afraid/ashamed to speak out. I only found out 2 years ago that my cousin had been severely brutalised by her ex-husband. Another friend only told me after her husband had left her for another woman that he had spent the early years of their marriage knocking her about - including one beating so severe she miscarried a 6 month pregnancy. A work colleague dismissed a black eye as walking into a cupboard door and only revealed after her divorce that her husband had thumped her.
Unfortunately I can quite believe the statistics. |
| rocketmanjohn | For the life of me, I just don't understand these people who batter their wives. Just what do they hope to achieve? there does'nt seem to be any class distinction either. There does'nt seem to be any end to it, punishment by the law does'nt work, just what will? All marriages and partnerships go through bad spells, mine included, but surely problems can be resolved one way or another.
John |
| Bill Rigby | Skitzy, I just saw a movie with an all Maori - it was New Zealand - cast about a family whose head frequently got drunk and came home to beat his wife. It was a story of a woman's courage; after putting up with the abuse for so long she faced her husband down and told him she was leaving. An important aspect of the story devolved upon the wife's origin from a tribe that observed the old customs and her family's opposition to the marriage since the husband was an urban Maori without any tribal history or allegiance. Much of his attitude related to the resentment of his wife's 'superiority'. An excellent and fascinating movie, beautifully acted, that showed an aspect of human existence I knew so little about.
'We are all human' as Canadian General Romeo Allaire so rightly said. |
| Lady Griffin | Unfortunately it is not possible to look closely at the real statistics.
I suspect that there are many more men who are abused by their wives than we care to think.Women are often reluctant to do anything to remedy matters because of their natural fear of breaking away from what they see as security albeit with physical maltreatment involved ,and come to believe that there is no way out from being victims.
As it has been pointed out men especially would be loathe to admit to being mistreated.Verbal abuse and belittling are every bit as destructive as physical abuse.
The New Zealand film I think referred to would have been 'Once Were Warriors'.The background to that is complex but basically the issues are the same as those which give rise to abuse in any society.
Alcohol, unemployment and traditional expectations of the roles of the sexes being among the contributing factors.
LG |
| Sandieh | Maybe girls need to be taught more independence from an early age, encouraged to expect to support themselves in adulthood, I was talking about women and abuse recently with two teachers one a high school teacher who had a class of girls 16 and 17 year olds, she asked the class what they expected to be doing in 10 years time and 90% said they expected to be married with kids these were well educated girls probably capable of getting into university. the other teacher has a class of 8 year olds and she said she was`nt suprised to hear of the abuse in fact she added "You`d be suprised at how many young mums come to school on Monday mornings even in winter wearing sunglasses" |
| Thornley | Very often, the 1st time this occurs, both men and women are shocked and believe that it will never occur agian. The more it happens the harder it is to go. I attended a Domestic Violence study day last year. The stories told there were harrowing. Another problem is the stigma, nobody wants to admit this happens to them. They are ashamed. I was once asked by a female patient, after I had dressed her wounds and check her bruises, if I could give her husband a pill to stop him hitting her! I can think of a pill to give him but I would be the one in court if I did.
Vanessa |
| noel | There was a raid by the Metropolitan police on over a hundred homes where neighbours had reported domestic violence. Will it end though after the person is charged? Apparently some of the more violent ones are kept in jail and door locks are changed on the domestic home and window locks fitted to stop him/her getting back in. I'm sceptical though, there are still phone lines, and anyone evil enough could wait outside and take their chance. |
| skitzy | quote:
Originally posted by skitzy
Its bad over here in Australia as well Martin, My daughter has an aboriginal friend from school who is only 18 & has lost 4 pregnancies due to beatings from her partner, Her family have tried to talk to her, but she continues to remain by his side.
Eileen
The girl I referred to above is now back home, she is looking good & is hoping to join the army.With a bit of luck she will now be able to put the past behind her & make a fresh start.
Eileen |