| Are families less close these days? |
| Sandieh | I had a very upsetting experience this week,a dear friend of mine who lives alone was going to the airport to see her son off on a 3 month trip around South America, it was the midnight flight so she asked if I would go with her to the airport, I was happy to do that, her son told her to be there at 11pm, when we arrived the son was nowhere to be found at 11-30pm we asked at the desk if he`d checked in thinking we may have looked in the wrong place and were told he had`nt, I could see my friend looking a little upset, but she was putting on a brave face, the boarding for his flight was called, still no son, then the final boarding call, my friends son suddenly appeared with some friends and his lady friend and her teenaged children, my friend was by this time getting very worried and upset, all her son could say to her was "whats wrong?" he then turned and gave everyone a warm hug and kiss (all except his mother) he gave her a quick peck on the cheek as he dashed past her to board his flight, my poor friend was heartbroken, What is everyone`s opinion on that? [:(] |
| noel | I'm shocked Sandie, but I don't know the full facts. Has there been friction between mother and son?I know how my wife would have reacted. Like your friend did. |
| Sandieh | Hi Noel, I`m not sure if there has been friction between mother and son, Ive known them for about 10 years and they were very close, I used to think how lucky she was having a son who cared about her so much, I suspect the woman friend (live in) from what my friend Ann told me the next day she`s been playing a lot of mind games, also an argument broke out outside the airport involving another couple who had been waiting to see the son off, the son`s woman friend actually aimed a fist at the woman`s face and poor Ann was in the middle of it, Ann ( my friend) lost complete control of her temper and took a swipe at the son,s woman friend, thank goodness the teenage son pulled his mother away and I held on to my friend, but some awful thing`s were said Ann does`nt mince words when she`s upset and is apt to use a few four letter one`s..lol.. but I know she has a heart of gold and would`nt hurt a fly, I was in shock! what should have been a happy send off had turned out so bad, the son`s woman walked off looking very smug, the other couple and I tried to console Ann, the strange thing was that she did`nt cry, she was just shaking very badly,I really thought she was in danger of having a stroke, I drove her car home for her and went back the next day to see her, she was still shaky but still did`nt cry, I went to see her today Friday and she talked about it again, this time she cried her heart out which I was glad about, I was concerned about her health as she has a problem with blood pressure and she`s 61 years old.
I think the point I`m trying to make with this story is that people seem to be losing their value`s, I`m sure its the minority, I could never have hurt my parents in fact I was protective of them, but as you say Noel, we dont always know the reason why, maybe there is something sadly wrong in the son`s life. We live in a very strange world. |
| noel | It sounds like disagreements over the girl friend to me Sandie, mother in law problems IYKWIM.
Sadly many a young lad's head is turned by a pretty young female. (I remember these feelings <g>). I don't think there's a lot anyone would be able to do. Just be there for your friend as I'm sure you are. Like you I could never have hurt my parents like that but I was never put in that position by my wife who gets on well with everybody. I really don't think it's a sign of the times, more an ungrateful son who has his brains in his trousers.!!! |
| Sandieh | [:D]I think you`ve put it in a nutshell Noel, ungrateful with brains in trousers..lol..[:I][:D] |
| Spitfire | Sandie, What you said about your friend`s treatment by her son was truly awful. Unfortunately (and here I have to beg to differ with Noel) I do think it is a sign of the times and that it was all too normal a reaction. I`m glad that Noels personal experience leads him to believe otherwise. Your friend just needs to be strong and sooner than later he will realize just what loyalty and affection should be due to her. |
| Lady Griffin | Sadly I think I have to agree that it is a sign of the times-goes back I feel to the
change in attitude during the sixties where there was more concentration on the wants and needs of the child and less on the importance of the parents'role.
Successive Governments have not helped by devaluing the traditional family unit.
Young folk have always needed to leave the nest and go through that process which can be painful for all concerned.
Give them roots, and wings ,as it's said -but the lack of respect which is prevalent among the young these days even to those who have nurtured them is hard to take.
The change is sad to see but then I remain very old fashioned.
LG
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| LDunlop76 | I was brought up to respect my elders, but that seems to be thing of the past. I ask our two children to stand if there's a shortage of seats and adults are without e.g. the doctor's waiting room, but I see very few other people doing the same.
There's little respect for the environment either. Modern youth seem to think the pavement is a suitable receptacle for their litter - I've even seen teenagers drop packets on the floor when they're standing within 2 yards of a bin! (And one daren't say anything, remembering the recent incident where an old lady was severely beaten for asking a boy to pick up the chip wrapper he'd just thrown on the floor.) I forget the statistics for what it costs councils annually to scrape up chewing gum from our streets.
I know there are plenty of more mature (I won't say old! <g>) people with less than perfect manners, but respect for one's community does seem to be taking a downward turn. |
| Sandieh | I hate to say it but older people seem to be seen as easy targets for abuse these days, we often hear of elderly people 80s and 90s having their homes broken into and being badly beaten and robbed, maybe explicitly violent scenes on TV and video are making young people immune to being shocked,and drugs are causing so many problems, my daughter is a teacher and often takes verbal abuse from parents who are high on drugs, I often wonder if society has been spoiled by the do gooders who think children should not be disciplined at home or school, they just are not learning values because they are not being punished for unsociable behavior, hence they turn into unsociable adults. [V] |
| noel | My grandson is now the age little Jamie Bulger was when he was so savagely killed by those two cretins who don't deserve to live on our planet. I'm told to be tolerant that they had been brought up in a fantasy world where people don't really die. I get sick of these goody two shoes people. There's not a single day goes out that my heart doesn't ache for the poor little lad. Every time I see my little grandson with his shock of blond hair, I imagine the little Jamie shown on CCTV being lead away to his death.
I'm not sure what this has to do with this subject. It just gets me so bloody angry. |
| Spitfire | My wife was a teacher also, and in her eyes `the do-gooders` (whoever they are) must carry the guilt of a great many of todays problems. Physical punishment was never high on her `tool` list, however THE THREAT OF it was sufficient to keep order in 95% of the pupils. When that threat was removed by law - the rot set in. I cannot find anyone who disagrees whith me. I would dearly love to speak to one of the `Enlightened do-gooders` and try to understand what their thinking is! |
| Alan Marsden | Spitfire,the Bulger affair was awful and it should be remembered that the perpetrators would not have been apprehended so rapidly had not closed circuit tele. not recorded their initial act of kidnapping. Many people ( again doogooders), are totally opposed to the application of cctv calling it Orwellian and such, the Bulger case proves the merits !
I absolutely agree with your remarks re the 'do gooders,' their problem is that they are not able to differentiate between reality the idealism, and this can be seen in all kinds of scenarios.
Thankfully this week, the court in Virginia applied common sense for a change ,and recommended the ultimate penalty to the elder ( presently only verdict) of the two murderers who sat in the trunk of his car and fired his rifle thru a slot in the trunk lid ,taking delight in the killing of many people !.
Society will be well rid , but only of course when such acts are proved beyond doubt ! Most societies now under the influence of the do gooders ,have given up their right to eliminate such vermin .
Put into a different scenario, I suggest that the very same argument applied when the French leader stated at the UNO last March that, " Under no circumstances would the French government condone military action against Iraq and that they would apply their Veto if necessary to ensure same".
After such a statement by the French govermnment, removing the 'threat of military action', Sadam then thought that he could continue to do whatever he wanted without recrimination, hence the sequence of events that followed !
Alan M
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| LDunlop76 | In theory I'm against corporal punishment because it could convey the idea that using violence to get people to behave the way you want them to is OK. But in practice it's a sanction which works. I always felt ashamed whenever I'd smacked our two and tried to employ other sanctions if possible, but I can't say the odd smack on the backside when they were little seems to have harmed them - indeed we're complimented on how polite and well behaved they are.
However, I'm not sure how I'd feel about corporal punishment being applied to my children by anyone else. Fortunately it's not a situation we've ever found ourselves in - the elder is about to take his A-levels and the younger is in year 8 (second year high school to us old fogies!) - and neither has ever had so much as a detention from school. Maybe it would be better if schools had sanctions that meant something? All they can do at present is stick a child in detention - for which parental permission has to be sought is it's outside school hours. (I'm talking more minor misdemeanours here, not those serious enough to suspend or expel a child) Sitting in a cosy classroom for half an hour writing lines or doing homework doesn't strike me as much punishment. What if they had to spend that time picking up litter around the school vicinity or painting out graffiti? A bit of work in the cold and wet might be more of a deterrent than what's available at present. |
| William R | Was posting a reply to this topic and it went ---- must search to try and find it - honest, I never touched anything. I was saying that my grandson does very well in school, always gets a good report,and changes into a problem when he arrives home. Shines in the school orchestra, trains juniors to play the clarinet, and wears his mother out with his non-co-operation. He`s 15 years of age. Big question --- WHY??? Wm.R. |
| magicman | Oh dear - another subject close to my heart. I have just come her fron the 'Has the world gone mad' thread!
I think today's problems stem from a wide variety of things that will take generations to put right. It took generations to get it as it is now!
Ho hum - makes me so sad that children cannot just be children anymore. |
| William R | It seem that I am going to run foul of some more do-gooders this year. I am going to send my youngest grand children and great grandchildren Christmas Cards depicting Father Christmas and loads of presents, like in the olden days, when sanity reigned. I will even say "God Bless You" to the Salvation Army lady collecting for the less fortunate in the Town, and risk the wrath of Mr/Mrs Do-Gooder there. Sadly I must not smile at the antics of children who are trying re-capture the Christmas spirit = too risky. Straight face and eyes front is the best way, and risk being called miserable. I`ve sent one Card which just says Greetings inside, and outside is a picture if two horses. ( Ooops! Animal Rights?) William R. |
| noel | I think the only safe way William is to fold a blank piece of card down the middle and sign your name on it. That way you won't risk offending anyone. |
| Spitfire | Noel, Why do we need to take the `safe`way? Why don`t we just stand up and be counted and tell them just what they can do with their crazy ideas. |
| LDunlop76 | quote:
Originally posted by noel
I think the only safe way William is to fold a blank piece of card down the middle and sign your name on it. That way you won't risk offending anyone.
Oooh, it would offend me, Noel! [}:)] If someone sends me a card, I want a nice piccie on it!
Things have definitely gone too far. I heard on the radio this time last year that one town in the North-East (I forget which) had put up signs saying "Happy Mid-Winter Festival" because they felt "Happy Christmas" might offend non-christians. Oh, for heavens sake! Would any of us be offended if we went to live in a Muslim country and saw "Happy Eid" banners, or if we went to Israel and saw "Happy Hannukah" signs? No! PC has made us daft!
Merry Winter Solstice, by the way! [;)] |
| Sandieh | Thanks LG, Best wishes to you, and have a lovely Christmas. Sandie |
| LDunlop76 | I agree with Linda - there's no excuse for not keeping in touch. A hotmail address can be used in internet cafes the world over and phone calls are not that dear these days - just once a week to let mum know he's OK would hardly break the bank or cramp his style. Sandie, your friend's son sound like a selfish g*t! |
| Thornley | I don't know who it is that finds all these things offensive, I've never seen a name behind the statments. In my previous practice I worked in a high ethnic minority area. We were often invited to Eid celebrations and always received Christmas cards and presents. No one was offended, they just had different celebrations. P.C has gone mad
Sandieh, I hope your friend is OK.
Vanessa |
| Sandieh | Thanks Vanessa, my friends Ok, but not looking forward to Christmas, she`s spending Xmas Day with me and my family, sadly she has`nt heard from her son and has no idea where in South America he is, he`s back packing so it would be hard to find him if anything happened to his Mother. |
| Lady Griffin | After living in these parts for many years, the wanderings of young folk without an apparent care in the World does not surprise me.I have met many folk who came here in the same era and completely lost contact with those back home.It's sad.One acquaintance had to get the Salvation Army to trace his mother after thirty years.
One thing I determined on when coming here in th 50's was that I would make very sure to keep up correspondence with my family at 'home' whatever happened.
Now in the days of electronic mail there are few excuses for young family members on their Overseas Experiences not doing the same.
I hope your friend is feeling better ,Sandie.
Love and Best wishes to you too.
LG |